


Project "FREEMAN"

by thoopsy



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Multiplayer au, They/Themrey, but my own! version!!, do we have a tag for they/them bubby yet, everyone is neurodivergent, hey is it gay to accidentally seduce the computer program, joshua doesn't exist, they/thubby, this is mostly from benrey's pov so. good luck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:28:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25327774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thoopsy/pseuds/thoopsy
Summary: Aperture Science started working on Artificial Intelligence.Black Mesa took this as a challenge.Now it's up to team of loosely, quickly picked people to teach Project FREEMAN how to be a person! General knowledge, self improvement, loyalty, how a gun works.Benrey is just here to antagonize it, and really, how hard can that be?
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, there might be some bg boomer but that's not the focus
Comments: 53
Kudos: 315





	1. Meeting Ken Crystal

**Author's Note:**

> Usually I try to only post things when I'm done with them, but with how powerful this hyperfixation is I'm certain I'll actually finish this one. There might be big delays, since I've been working on most scenes at once.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

_Aperture Science was the worst company in the world, if you worked for Black Mesa. Especially if you worked anywhere high up. The rivalry was extreme, you could even get scolded for speaking too freely about camera mechanisms._

_Aperture had stolen teleportation research, Black Mesa stole turret research. They stole employees from each other with promises of better wages._

_So, when Aperture started working on AI, it was the only course of action._

_This would be the thought process to lead to the downfall of Many._

* * *

It felt... real. They'd give the programmers and mechanics that, Benrey could barely tell they were in some giant tube, stuck with wires. They walked over to a wall and placed their hand against it. It was solid.

As they walked down the corridors they kept their hand to the wall, and it really felt like they were running their hand along it. Smooth, barely any friction. Just a lil feeling. Some people had way too much free time.

They didn't know what the Program looked like, or what to call it. Maybe He'd told them, at some point, but it would be pretty clear, right? Some Thing, walking around here that didn't fit in. Some sort of shambling creature, or a creepy kid or somethin. Black Mesa scientists had a messed up sense of humor.

Hey, maybe they'd be lucky and find an exact clone of themself wandering around in here. Maybe this was all some twisted way to get Benrey to destroy themself instead of another couple scientists. Maybe it'd work. They'd figure out how to, like, haunt the place though.

As they walked past a door into some sort of messed up experiment with no one manning it, Benrey started to wonder if this place was an exact map of Black Mesa. It felt pretty similar. Same walls. Same floors. None of the doors were heavily bolted, though, they gotta be near the entrance. They could use it to attempt another escape, once this test was over.

Then they slammed right into someone.

"Dude, what the hell!" Someone exclaimed, and Benrey started paying attention with their eyes again. This new person was taller than them, scientists just _really_ had to rub it in, wearing a pristine lab coat. Gross. Under it was a bright, too bright maybe, orange shirt, with some sort of symbol on it. Couldn't see it through the coat.

Looking up at them, this tall dude _couldn't_ really be from Black Mesa. Or, if they were, they had to be a new hire. Their hair was pulled back in a big, safety hazard ponytail. Anything could grab that and pull you into its enclosure, it just didn't make sense.

They had a face, which wasn't unusual. Wasn't a bad one, that was for sure. Probably payed off whoever programmed this. Sure, little lower poly than Benrey was used to but beggars can't be choosers. Square jaw. Square glasses. Prominent eyebrows. Was anyone gonna tell this. Person. That being hot didn't make you better at science? Because _someone_ was trying a little too hard, and it really. _Wasn't_ working. Benrey said the only thing that wasn't that. "so what's your pronouns."

"Uhh." Shocked, clearly shocked. Their mouth cocked into a confused grin. Another sign they were new, Black Mesa Scientists didn't smile unless they were about to push you in a pit.

"ya have any? i've got a couple."

"His." He blinked down at Benrey, "He and him, also. No one's ever asked?"

They weren't about to be intimidated by his height, it was way easier to just slouch back against the wall like they didn't have fears. It felt like they were really doing it... "woww, that's pretty cringe. must have pretty terrible friends. don't even know your pronouns. bet they don't even know your name, huh. bet you don't even have one."

This guy crossed his arms in front of his chest, "I _have_ a name. It's Gordon J. Freeman." Now he was glaring like a real Black Mesa scientist. Second day level, they were making good time on irritating whoever other dude they'd strapped in this VR thing. "What's _your_ deal? Huh? You're supposed to introduce _yourself_ first _._ "

Benrey adjusted to look at their nails. This program had shortened them and dulled them. No virtual scratching, then. "huh? who decreed that? who said I had to?" What they didn't expect was Gordon to make a noise of frustration and walk right on past them.

That wouldn't do at all. So, of course, they followed him. Going the same way, might as well. Probably lead them to their actual job. Really, as fun as it was being all cleaned up in a virtual Security uniform, the real preference was none of this.

They watched his hair bounce as he walked, and that needed more work. Hair didn't work like that, springy hair was a myth. Unless he was part of that classified experiment two years back, of course.

Gordon stopped walking abruptly, and swiveled to look at them again. "You won't tell me who you are. But you're going to follow me?"

"mm. yeah." They shrugged, not bothering to look up at his face.

_"Fucking confusing."_ He muttered.

"why aren't you walkin, bro? can't walk and talk at the same time? huh?" If they stopped walking every time there was an issue with Benrey they'd literally never get anywhere.

What Benrey didn't see was how Gordon completely froze, extremely confused, unnaturally baffled. For just a moment, Gordon questioned it. 

All Benrey noticed was how Gordon turned back around, and started walking again.

For a bit, they walked in silence. Towards, presumably, wherever they were supposed to be. Wherever they'd find their mission. "So, are you on break or something?" He asked, maybe just to prove he could.

"I'M ON! BREAK!" Someone shouted from the next room on the hallway, and Benrey's heart skipped a beat. If they still had one of those, they weren't clear on that.

He popped his head out of the doorway, and Benrey's face lit up all on its own. They found themself lunging for him, their only friend, Tommy.

Sure it was virtual, but it sure _felt_ like squeezing him. He was like, the only person who'd ever touched Benrey without fear. Maybe he was wrong to, but fuck that. It took balls to be that level of kind. "where you been." They muttered into chest.

"Benrey?" He couldn't hug back, they had him around the arms. They didn't want to stop, though, and they could hear the smile in his voice. "I've been. Been assigned to new projects! Speaking- speaking of."

He turned a little to look at Gordon. That dude had such loud shoes, _he_ certainly didn't need a bell. Not that Benrey'd get caught up on if he was judging. He was probably gonna die in this experiment somehow, even though they were in a perfectly controlled virtual environment.

"Hello, Mr! Freeman! I'm Tommy." He held out a hand as best he could with his upper arms all compressed. "I'm on! Break, for. Lunch! I see you've met my friend!"

Benrey turned their head so they could squint at Gordon. He probably already got the memo about who he was dealing with, but it could never hurt to add another guy you'd have to go through to the pile.

"Gordon Freeman. I guess you already know that?" He shook it. "And this is... Benny?"

"Benrey!" He corrected, and they squeezed him again. Tommy was always so great about their name. "They're! Going to be helping. Keep watch, like a big ol hawk, lookin at a lil bug! 's a Big Day!"

"Ah. Yes." He let go of Tommy's hand. "I've been working towards this for a long time."

"I haven't!"

Gordon laughed, just a single wheeze, "Alright!"

Benrey separated from Tommy. The two of them kept talking, _some_ nerd they didn't have respect for was telling his whole life story or something. Who cares if you wore a mitt to your graduation, bro.

They perched on the closest lunch table, legs dangling like always. Faster to get up. Directly across from them was some sort of board with papers posted all on it. Plain looking.

Couldn't afford virtual colorful ink? Get some graphic design in here. Either that or make them readable, way more interesting that way. Get a little lore. Lil. Black Mesa Lore.

"Benrey, _why_ are you sitting on the table?" Yeah no one needed lore anyway. "You're gonna get fired or something! Plus that's not sanitary!"

They looked over at Gordon, who was talking. Looked a little exasperated. "don't worry. got a permit." It was a lie, but like. If things couldn't be read in here anyway, how would anyone prove they _didn't_ have a permit?

He crossed his arms, and maybe he needed a size up lab coat. Looked a little too snug around those biceps. Should do something about that. "A permit for sitting on tables? That can't exist, you're making it up."

"i'm certified. it's okay that you're not, tommy isn't judging you."

"They're right! Mr Freeman, I'm a very non! Judgemental person!"

Gordon raked his fingers over his hair, couldn't run it through when it was in a ponytail, "I think break time is over."

Then he turned around, those big ol bootsteps started leaving, _how could anyone stand to walk so loudly,_ and Benrey popped right back up to follow.

* * *

It wasn't long until they reached the locker room.

Benrey couldn't remember ever being here. Looked just as pristine as everywhere else was up here. Kinda wished they had, like, some soda to spill on the floor or something. Make the ground sticky.

How much would it need to dry before it stopped made people slipping, and just stuck em there? That's an experiment for you, Scientists. Get all your smartest people in on this.

"And you are?" Some New Scientist was in front of them, with a great bushy mustache. Benrey glanced down at the nametag.

`Dr. H.P. Coomer ` `He/Him/His`

The pronouns were written on a sticky note taped to the name badge, covering up the barcode company IDs probably usually had.

"That's Benrey. They don't make sense, and they're not even _part_ of this, because they're not a _scientist._ " Gordon was standing next to them, arms once again crossed.

They didn't move their head to look at him more directly. "wow, kinda presumptive. maybe i'm a scientist and a security guard. double duty. ever think about that."

Coomer piped in with, "The Economy _is_ in Shambles, Mr Freeman!" Benrey couldn't hold back a little snort.

"Black Mesa pays pretty well." Gordon was scrutinizing them. Making a scruty face. "Why would you need to be a security guard, too?"

"... was a security guard first." No one needed to know the truth. In here they were all just people, making an AI into another people.

"You're telling me you got a job as a security guard for Black Mesa, it _didn't_ pay well enough, so you then took up being a _scientist?_ As your _second_ job?"

"mm. yea."

"You know what? I'll choose to believe that. We're running short on time, I need to get the Hazardous EnVironment Suit Mark IV on, like, yesterday."

He sat on a bench and started taking off his clothes. Lab coat. How much did he pay the 3D. Model. Maker dude. Gotta be a lot. Turns out the shirt underneath was a tank top. Hm. Little showoff man. Little Showoff Man goes to suit station, gets a suit.

The suit has a _voice_ , maybe it's got a person pretending to be it too, and it says, _"Welcome to the H.E.V. mark IV protective system, for use in hazardous-"_

That's when they stop paying attention, the music starts overpowering it anyway, and they ask Grondos, "even it calls itself HEV. whatchadoin. hazardous ectoplasmic suit."

He lifts a finger to his lips, like a quiet motion. Like he wants them to be quiet. Fuck that. "little lawyer? little lawyer gotta say the whole thing or he gets sued? huh? huh?"

The suit is still talking, and the bumpin beat is still playing, and now that dude is making an audible _"SHHH!"_ sound.

This is fun. Read it all out like a computer, earlier. Gave them another idea for a fun little poke. "lil? lil robot boy? hm?"

Gordon lunges forwards, " _I'm a real man."_ He states, hauling them up by the collar of their shirt. They don't like eye contact, but man they can't exactly stop it. His face is, like, real close. They _could_ try and look at his ear or somethin, but the intensity of his expression keeps em lookin.

"oh wow. guess you are."

He drops them again, and almost instantly looks. Well, something else. Con... cerned? "I'm- I don't know why I did that, that was very unprofessional-" Laughter, the not-happy kind. "I just wanted to make sure everything was online, and you kept Interrupting!"

That was confusing. "wha?"

"WELL let's keep moving, team!" He walks back up that stair thing, and they follow behind.

"Another day, another dollar!" Dr Coomer says with a grin.

They'd jot this down in their other people mood notes as fake perky, "I keep agreeing with that! Onto the test!"

* * *

"one of my friends forgot what the subject's name is called." Gordon turned all the way around, away from his 'pal' who didn't even look like he had 'facial expressions'.

He looked at them uncomprehendingly, for a moment or two. Like a laggy computer, just trying to process all their cool mods. "... It's. It's called a Xen Crystal. It's not really a subject, it's a sample. You said you were a scientist?"

"huh?"

"Actually! They said they ARE a scientist! As in right-now-tense!" Tommy piped up, waving a hand, "Don't be impolite, Mr Freeman!"

Dr Coomer shook his head, "You question their credentials? Gordon, how rude!"

"yeah, bro, not like i've met ken. not like i've said hi who are you and ken said oh hi i'm ken crystal. never met."

His arms were crossed, now. Benrey was missing seeing his muscles flex fabric already. " _Xen_ Crystal. It can't talk, it's a rock. And I'm not rude! You're not making any sense, here!"

Tommy started patting his shoulder, and Coomer said, "We have to admit our mistakes to grow as a person, Gordon!"

"I- Whg-!" He sputtered, and went silent. Probably thinking about how cool it was that Tommy was willing to touch him with his hand, there. Like he had a shot at being Tommy's cool friend someday. Like, a real honor.

They gave him a minute to soak in how cool it would be to be Tommy's radical friend.

"what pronouns does ken use."

"IT'S A _ROCK._ " His shoulders flew all up like he was. Hiding his neck or somethin.

"mm." They acknowledged. Yeah it was a cool gemstone they were gonna be teaching how to be a person, whatever. "it/its/it's. nice."

Dr Coomer was, like, all grinning at them. "Congratulations! You can now talk to it respectfully!" There should've been an You Obtained a Thing sound but it was fine.

"No one is talking to the crystal. We're firing a laser through the crystal." He gestured with his hands to emphasize his words and also how much of a big ol meanie he was. Benrey was supposed to be the jerk around here, probably.

"That's a very impolite way to talk about our friend Ken, Gordon!" Dr Coomer scolded, almost parent-y. Teaching-ly.

Then something clicked. The two brain cells they had pinging around in there hit each other and let them have a thought. Gordon was the uh! Robot thing, whatever! Tommy'd turned to him when he said he'd been starting new projects, it _made sense._

One thing this meant: They hadn't been doing their job.

At some point, everyone'd started walking, including them. Gordon was talking to some skinny scientist with real thick glasses. Opaque looking glasses. Nonfunctional looking glasses.

They were here to uh? Impede Grondos? Teach Grand-sos murder feelings? Like, they definitely remembered part of that from the whole and **now you're a video game** speech. "bro, wait."

"Yes, Benrey?" He responded, though he looked like he really didn't want to. Bumping into him wasn't enough, they had to stop him in some way. Inconvenience him.

"you never showed me your uh. passport."

He stilled. "My. Passport?"

"yea. 's uh, this little thing that tells me whether you're cool or not. whether you're allowed."

"I know what a passport _is_." He started walking again, and Benrey got themself in front of him. Walking backwards, you know how it is.

Dr Coomer lit up, "Congratulations, Gordon! I'm proud!"

"But why would I _need_ a passport. I work here, and it's never been a thing."

He had a point, they'd never seen anyone at Black Mesa showing off their passport. Even if they should, being able to leave a country sounded fucking superb. Luckily, Benrey was talented. "you've never done a test with ken crystal before. it's very into rules and regulations, you'll hurt its feelings."

Scientists who didn't have people in em were opening all sorts of doors, which was good, because they didn't like walking into doors. It was actually kinda euphoric to like. Have all those doors get open just for them.

Freeman didn't care about that, though. "IT'S A _ROCK._ A space rock, but a _rock._ "

"yeah. kenny, that's what i call it we're good friends, needs its space unless you're all certified. don't wanna scare it."

"Wh-"

"space needing rock."

Gordon stuck a hand under his glasses and tugged at his face. "Please stop making shit up, I keep almost taking you seriously."

He was changing the topic. "where's the passport, man."

Benrey backed up once more, and oops. Looks like they were against a big ol door now. Quick glance, okay this was pretty high security. They had TWO eye scanners. Benrey lived in a room with three, though, and a keypad. They could probably just phase through this thing.

Freeman gestured to one of the scientists in here, "Listen to them, man! I'm late!"

_"Gordon doesn't need to hear all this, he's a highly trained professional."_ One of them said, and it sounded lower quality than Gordon talking. Like the mic wasn't great.

They wouldn't have much reason to argue with whoever those were, but, "please?"

"HOW. ABOUT THIS. My passport is in my locker, all of my ID is-"

"unprofessional."

Freeman groaned loudly, "I can't wear a clip on badge over the HEV suit, there's no where for it to go!" He gestured to his chest. "So it's in my locker, it's all in my locker. Let me do this test and we'll go back there, okay? I don't have _time_ right now."

"yeah sure."

The doors opened, and Benrey strolled right on in.

He rushed in after them, "Wait, you can't be in here! I'm wearing this suit to keep me safe, you could be like! Obliterated or something!"

"'s fine." They strolled over to what looked most interesting, a little computer on the wall. They laid down on it, front first. Kinda precarious but the sounds it was making was cool. Nothing was happening on the screen, it was still some picture of Earth but From Space.

"THAT'S IMPORTANT." Freeman screeched, hands in his hair.

They blinked once. "whats it do."

"Something to do with this _huge important test,_ dude!"

Not convincing. He tried to pull them off, but they kinda liked it here, so they stayed put.

**"Stop fooling around, Mr Freeman!"** Said some sort of voice from the loud speaker, and they smirked. Goofin off on the job, Freeman? Yeah that'll get you in trouble. Then you'll get mad. They should've been hired to do this before.

He cursed and scrambled to climb a ladder, leaving them to their computer.

It got boring quick, and they followed after him.

Ladders were new, they'd never gotten to climb one of these before, but it wasn't _hard_ and now they were standing on the top. Like you're supposed to do with ladders.

"No, dude, not all the way." Freeman sighed, and held out his arms, "Jump down and I'll catch you."

_What?_ Oh he was firing back big time. Offering those big strong arms. Letting Benrey fall into those big strong arms.

He did catch them, his suit was all stiff and hard but they could get used to a little stiff and hard ifyouknowwhattheymean, and then he tried to put them down. They didn't want down. They hadn't been held like this ever in their entire whole life.

He squatted and placed them on the floor.

Then Freeman went and strolled over to some sort of control panel as if that hadn't even _happened._ The jerk! That was the gayest moment they ever had, because it's not gay with Tommy he's a homie and Freeman wasn't a homie so that made it gay, and he just! On the floor!

They'd have to work harder, they decided, and laid down on top of what he was looking at. Back down this time. Lounging it up.

**"Do you see the button, Gordon?"** Someone asked from the uhhhh. Window. Gonna go over there later order some sliders.

"NOT ANYMORE. Get out of the _way,_ Benrey." He shoved them again, and he was really making an effort this time. They slid off after a couple seconds. Enough that he almost gave up. Can't break his spirit.

After that they just let him do his thing, pushin buttons, pushin carts, yelling at everybody about if this was normal. Regular nerd guy science stuff.

"NICE, YOU MADE GREEN!" They shouted encouragingly when it all started sparking. It wasn't a bad shade, kinda pretty. Who knew science could make such a Green. They sang the same shade in response, and Freeman was screaming, probably at how great the green was.

It was hard for them to use Human Words to say what happened next. Alien worlds, the ocean, then real life for a moment with the scientists taking notes on everybody chilling in pods, then back to where they were supposed to be. Except they were on the wrong side of the handrail they'd been so friendly with, and now they were on the floor.

Freeman was on the floor too, now. Eyes wide, on his back, maybe hyperventilating a little. They'd been there, must've been too afraid of the uh. Green. Must hate green or somethin. They sang a little blue at him, as a distraction. A little calm down distraction.

He'd done the science, now he was done and they could head to Tommy's place and kick his ass at Mario Kart. If Tommy had Mario Kart, but. No they shouldn't doubt him. Probably had Double Dash, that funky little friend.

_"Wh..."_ Freeman was looking at them now, because they were standing over him and got to be tall. _"What was that?"_

"science, bro. you did it, you did all that science." Benrey held out a hand. The longer he was on the floor, the longer it'd be until Mario Kart. Virtual Mario Kart. Hell yeah.

He took it, and turns out Freeman was shaky. All tremblin. Wasn't powerful enough for a Little Green.

Jokes on him, they were worse than ANY Green.


	2. If this is the apocalypse you should've mentioned it earlier, dude. Rude of you to be so inconsiderate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what? Short chapters so I can post more often, and hopefully motivate myself to get to the really great parts I already have written out.

The Science did a number on the doors and stuff. The number was 12, but they weren't sure on what scale yet. Lots of people didn't have Cool Guy Suits or Cool Guy Powers and got overwhelmed by the Green, and were taking naps. Benrey'd been there, they got that.

At some point Freeman picked up a crowbar, but it was probably like. Issued to him. Post science crowbar, it all checked out. All up to code.

There were creatures about, they didn't bother getting their gun out. He seemed happy to run screaming, so they followed his lead on that one.

There was a lot of climbing ladders and stuff, they were getting so good at it, and looking at broken stuff. They were hoping he'd catch them again, but when they tried, they just fell into a pit a little until they grabbed hold of the rungs again. It was actually pretty uh. Rude? Jerkman.

Dr Coomer, Dr Opaque Glasses, and Tommy were all in the locker room and it was _way_ better. Some guy was sleeping in a puddle of koolaid. Fucking. Psychic dude, heard Benrey's science experiment idea. It looked better with less pristine. Just needed a little mess.

Experiment probably wouldn't get good dada or whatever though, sleepin on the job like that. He'd probably have to do it again. Benrey would recommend lemon-lime for next time though. Color coordinate with the first stain.

"Who's that photo of, Mr Freeman?" Tommy asked, making Benrey pay attention again. Freeman was rifling around in his locker, and yeah. Sure enough there was a photo frame with a picture of like. A small infant person in it. 

He froze. One second passed. It became four. "That's my son, Joshua."

"Your baby boy is Beautiful!" Dr Coomer exclaimed, as Dr Opaque Glasses somehow gave off the vibe of rolling their eyes. It was impressive, they'd have to ask them for notes later. 

Something wasn't convincing about Freeman, though. "hand it over." They stuck out their hand. "your son. hand him over."

For awhile now he'd been looking dazed, like he wasn't completely in it, like he was trying to not use his brain for thinking thoughts. It was stupid of him, he was supposed to be Gordon Smartman over here and what's he up to? Not thinking?

Well, now he had an expression. Eyebrow scrunchin, mouth open confusion. " _Why?_ "

"wanna look at your baby. wanna look at gordon 2 the squeakquel." They opened and closed their hands once or twice. Put it in their grasp. They can hold it, see. "'m a great babysitter."

"I wonder why I doubt that." Sure enough, though, he reached over behind him and handed Benrey the frame. It was hung on the wall, Benrey wasn't sure that was allowed. Wasn't allowed in their room anyway, no one wanted nails 'in their vicinity.' Not that they needed nails to have a good time.

It was a pretty okay looking human baby. Real zoomed in. Black and white. The photo quality was what was throwing them off, it was _really good._ Which was strange because they were in here, but also. This isn't what a picture taken of your baby child looks like. 's supposed to be blurry, babies are like Benrey and they don't stay still when you want them to. They know babies are like them because the scientists keep complaining that they'd rather work with infants. So, like, similar.

No, this looked like the kind of photo that came with a picture frame. The kind of perfect picture that the science people at the frame making lab spent millions of dollars developing. 

Yeah, Gordos secret out. He's a little liar man. Pretending to be a DILF, that's a felony.

It was good blackmail though, they didn't wanna spill their cards quite yet. Didn't want to let that cat out of the beans. So, they handed it back. 

He was looking nervous. He should be.

"One time I considered being a parent, you know." Dr Glasses said, "For TWO SECONDS. Children are awful, we should get rid of them."

"Now, dear Bubby, children are important for-!" Dr Coomer chided, patting his shoulder. So, okay, Bubby was a name and it was theirs apparently. Nice. Should make a b club name club.

"Let's keep going!" Freeman declared, shutting his locker behind him. He'd put on a smile. 

Tommy nodded, but Benrey needed to be consistent. Just a little more hindrance, you know. "passport?"

"This is a life or death situation-!"

It. What? "huh?" They asked, because that made no sense. 

"This facility is falling apart, and there's violent aliens on the loose. We're the only ones left so far, dude!" He sounded convinced that this was true, which must suck. Must be scaring him real intensely. If he took a nap he'd need a nightlight, because that’s how freaked out this dude was.

Benrey walked over to the Kool-aid Man, and pointed. "he's resting." See? No worries. Be happy.

"No, he's not. He's dead." Freeman insisted, feeling very be worry no happy.

They kicked the scientist once. He might be right, guy didn't even flinch. So they did it a couple more times. Just to be safe. They didn't have _any_ ill feelings towards scientists. Sarcasm.

"huh." They glanced up at Gordon, and then down at the No Longer a Kool-Aid Scientist. They'd be rescinding their uhmn, their uhhh. Sweet Flavor reccs.

He crossed his arms over his chest, they could see it out of the corner of their eye. "You didn't know? I thought it was pretty obvious."

"Sometimes things that are obvious to you or I, Gordon, slip past others! Our differences make us stronger!" 

Freeman sighed. "Thank you, Dr Coomer. Okay, so we're all on the same page. Some sort of Resonance Cascade just happened, and we need to get out of here." 

Benrey had no idea what that meant, this didn't look anything like like a parade, but they nodded. Out of Black Mesa, look at him having similar goals. "get to tommy's to play mario kart. nice."

"CLOSE ENOUGH!" He declared, and started walking back towards the break room. Oh man he was trying to distract them from their goal by being agreeable. Wouldn't work, they weren't ever distracted. Never happened.

"passport?"

At basically the same time, Tommy voiced his own concern. "I only have! Three controllers for my! Gaming cube, I-!"

Ah fuck that would be a problem. One of those was probably one of those controllers that, like, wasn't as good. Not on the brand, and the buttons felt different. They'd make the sacrifice, but five people couldn't play with two controllers.

Unless Gordon held their hands and they did it together, like a team. They'd be baby Mario and baby Luigi and use the fastest kart in the game, but lose because uh. Controller is bad. It would make Freeman all frustrated, Frustratedman, and they'd be doing their job. Maybe they'd even sit on his lap. Arms wrapped around them to reach the controller. 

Whoa.

They definitely wanted to keep thinking about that, but something was shoved into their hands. It was black and opened, like a book, but it didn't have a plot in there, it had a picture of Freeman. He looked different. Same age, but his hair was down around his shoulders. Grinning, probably trying to look good so he could seduce all security officers that came his way. 

Surname Freeman, given name Gordon Joshua. Wow, okay, he couldn't even come up with a fake name for his fake kid. They'd get him a baby naming book later so he could get better at it.

Under sex it said M, for Maybe. They jotted that one down in their memories. They'd have to wait until it said Y. Consent was important.

Gordon was looking down at them, impatiently. They gave it one more look over, you gotta really scrutinize ID just in case you see the word FAKE or FORGERY on it somewhere. It's what security guards were for.

Nothing like that happened, so they slipped it into their pocket. "you exist. good job."

"I do, now let's _go!_ "

“Pikachu and Eevee!” Dr Coomer suggested, and everyone cheered.

Looks like this might end up being the fun kind of apocalypse, with coworkers like this. Who needs personal safety when you have Tommy quietly explaining how the third Pokeball probably had Clefairy? Nobody.


	3. Soda makes you See Slower!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reposted with edits! Details removed, too longwinded.
> 
> I have weird brain chemistry, and that means that caffeine makes me sleepy! For some reason? It's actually very convenient. 
> 
> I've bestowed Benrey with this trait, and they don't know about it because they've never actually been allowed nice drinks before.

Black Mesa was bigger than Benrey thought.

Like, sure, they knew it was ginormous but actually crawling through the vents, dodging creatures, [ _ "We don't have to fight  _ **_all_ ** _ of them!" _ Freeman once said] made it like. Easier for their feeble mind to understand or whatever.

It'd been hours maybe. Time passing had never been a strong suit. This was the officey part of Black Mesa that they hadn’t been to often, lots of new sights to see. 

Like snacks from a vending machine that Freeman made them not eat! And a Barnacle eating a man that they barely saved, but was too scared of them to talk because Freeman was mean and shot him too! Soda that no one could stop them from drinking!

They were in a store room now, sitting on a crate Freeman hadn't gotten to yet. Room was pretty small, like. Measurements were also not great for Benrey but they all fit in there, whole squad. Not by much.

Gordon was riffling through supplies, muttering aloud about,  _ "Why do we have so many bullets laying around? Not complaining, doesn't make any sense..." _

"Bullets can be used to kill things, Gordon!" Dr Coomer piped up. Bubby was leaning against him, trying to clean their glasses. Benrey was pretty sure they didn't actually need them to see in here, but everyone needs hobbies.

They still had two sodas from the vending machines. Somethin from Enjoy, somethin from Soda Soda Pop. They didn't pay attention to the flavors, this was one of their first sodas experience. How’d they know what’s the good stuff unless they drank it?

For some reason, their eyes weren't cooperating. They took another sip of The Purple Soda. They didn't like it much, tasted like liquid raisin. Not grape, raisin. They'd have to talk to whoever made this flavor and congratulate them for being so impressive but so wrong.

Tommy came over and sat with them, still nervously clutching his gun. Made sense, he was the one who almost got mauled by the uhh. Disgruntled Former Employees? Coomer said that once, it was good enough. He'd went to open a door and oops looks like someone was in there first. Looks like someone else needed supplies from the supply closet.

"yo."

"I wish I! Still had a soda on me." Tommy ran a finger over the side of his gun, "I always  _ want _ to save them, but I can't help! Myself, sometimes!"

"fuck impulse control. all my homies-"

"Hate impulse control!" For a moment he cheered up, woo they were a good at friend, but then he remembered that he was afraid for his virtual life. "I'm actually really good at! Stopping myself from doing silly things usually, but the soda calls me?"

Freeman piped in, tugging at an empty medkit. For some reason. "I wouldn't have guessed it, but you're like. Really careful, Tommy."

He frowned. "Why wouldn't you have? Guessed it, Mr Freeman?"

Benrey took a sip of the other soda again, man whatever flavor this was was  _ way _ better than Raisin Pain or whatever. Must've come from the Enjoy machine, they enjoyed it. Not that they knew what flavor it was. Maybe Yellow? Yellow flavor.

"I didn't mean that in, like, a bad way. You're just, like, the youngest person here." He went to gesture to something, but Coomer and Bubby'd fucked off somewhere. So not them, don’t point at what doesn’t exist. ‘S rude.

"Wh- Mr Freeman, I'm older than you  _ and _ Benrey." He was doing a frown now. Hard to tell how much frown with Tommy, he hid the bad feelings. 

Freeman'd been banging the same medkit on the ground, but now he stopped, and looked over, "Wait, wait, you're what? I thought you were some sort of new hire!"

Benrey was starting to consider handing Tommy the Bad Flavor of Soda, Tommy seemed open minded to all sorts of awful horrible soda flavors, but he looked like he might just crunch the can up with how tense he was now. Might hurt his hands on the aluminum without realizing. "Mr Freeman, I'm! Thirty six years old, I've got MULTIPLE PHDs. Don't! Underestimate me!"

"But you-" Freeman looked like he was Processing, like this really confused him. After awhile of sitting completely still, only doing his breathing animation, he blinked. "Okay. Yeah, alright, sorry Tommy."

Tommy took one of them Big-Deep breaths, like he always wanted  _ them _ to when  _ they _ were grumpy. "I forgive you, Mr Freeman! Please don't do it again." His smile was all sad, he expected him to do it again. Blarg, Benrey hated Tommy's coworkers. 

He was kinda calmer, though, so.  _ Now _ he could have the soda. They handed it over with a "slurp it up." and he followed their instructions to a T. That's why his name was Tommy and not 'ommy, because he always. Did stuff to a T.

Freeman watched Tommy drink his soda with just as much interest as he always seemed to, and waited until after Tommy was done to say, “I won’t do it again, why would I do it again? You’re older, that’s. Do people ignore that? Once they know it?”

“It’s all the time, Mr Freeman. I thought it’d be less if I was tall but.” Tommy sighed. Took a deep breath in, and a sigh out. “It’s fine. Sorry for yelling Mr-”

“No, no, wait. All the time?” His medkit was abandoned now. Looked sad over there, but it understood. “So people say you’re really young, all the time, just to fuck with you? Dude, you need better friends.” 

“scientists straight up  _ suuuck _ , bro.” They said helpfully. Hadn’t said anything in awhile, had to stay relevant in this cutscene. Needed the voice actor to get paid.

“Your coworkers. That’s awful, can’t you go to HR-?” Freeman interrupted himself, “Okay well the company’s probably dead, but. That’s harassment, I think. Right?”

He put a hand on Tommy’s shoulder, and looked at his face. Tommy put a hand right back on his shoulder, and smiled. “I’m done talking about this.”

Freeman stared blankly, for a moment. Blinked. “Got it.” Went back to his medkit, reunion of the century. Tommy sunk back against the wall and their seat-crate as soon as he was looking away.

Must suck to have  _ teachable moments _ instead of  _ moments you get to go oooooooooh freefail _ , more work. Tommy didn’t look upset or anything, though.

Their eyes still weren't working right. They felt sore or somethin. Drooping just because they wanted to. 

Benrey took the final glug glug of the Yellow Flavor soda and handed Tommy the can for crushin, the forehead strengthening ritual, and he gave them a cool friend who is tired smile.

Smiled back, nice thing to do, smile at the friend. Bonus, soda out of the way, they tried growing another eye on their neck. It was droopy too, so they dissolved it back into their skin. 

The game didn't like that, though. For a moment, their model freaked out, before remembering to  _ chillax. _ That it was  _ fine. _

"WHOA- Dude, are you alright?!" Freeman exclaimed, and shot up.

His gaze was all intense and worried and stuff, so they looked away. Tommy was looking worried at them, too. 

Jeez, can't an entity have a visual freak out every once and awhile? 

Apparently not. Freeman gripped their shoulders,  _ both _ of em, and now they were looking at his face again. He was scanning theirs over, looking for more funky videya game glitchies. It was really similar to how he’d just been lookin at Tommy, which was weird, they were different from him.

It would be a shame to disappoint him, they thought, and grew two arms to grip  _ his _ shoulders with.

Predictably, he screamed and backed up like they'd caught on fire or something. Probably just as predictably, they started  _ cackling _ with laughter as they despawned the arms. This time their body went into the crate for a couple seconds, but then collision caught back up and they were fine.

After their fun little laughing fit, Tommy was rolling his eyes. Freeman, however, was staring at them with his. Very wide.

He was clawing at the wall with his hands, which gave them a little idea for later. They didn't really feel like... Doing more right now, for some reason.

"What the  _ HELL? _ Do you need medical attention?! That  _ can't _ be normal!"

Benrey smirked, "i chimed in, haven't you people ever heard of. clipping through the floor."

"NO?!"

They laughed more, he fell  _ right _ into their trap! Into their lyrical, lyrical trap!! He probably didn't even notice, because they weren't singing it! And video game characters don't get to listen to Panic! At the Disco because of legal reasons!

"Is that what that's called?  _ Clipping? _ Holy  _ fuck! _ Does it hurt?" 

"m- Clipping happens in video games!" Tommy helped, he was so good at explain-y, much easier than emotions. Then something changed in his voice, he got more. Panicky. "AND TO BENREY. All the time! In REAL LIFE!" 

OH RIGHT this was supposed to be a secret or whatever. Yeah they'd forgotten. About that. Maybe they shouldn't use their newfound cool guy powers to escape Black Mesa the fun way with Freeman around, if they didn't wanna get grounded from messing with him.

Their eyes were still closed after their laughing, and it felt. Nice. Kinda wanted to keep em closed? 

"Benrey just. Does that." He sounded unconvinced, and his heavy big boy boots took a big loud step towards them. "What did Black Mesa do to you, dude?" 

Oh that was a question for them. They lazily shrugged.

"Only legal things, Mr Freeman!" Tommy reassured him, and he probably kinda believed it. When all his reports to The Government ®, didn't sprout into an investigation or anything, he'd trusted everything was fine.

"That means they  _ did _ do something?"

Uh-oh. They didn't want him actually thinking about it. The easiest way to get him off their back was probably to get on his. As hell as it was, they opened an eye. "crab." Benrey pointed behind Freeman.

He turned, like a fool, and they took the opportunity to stand up on the crate, thanks Tommy for best balancer-so-crate-doesn't-tip ever, and dropped down onto his back.

He screamed, something like "AAAAURGH-!" but they were too busy wrapping their arms and legs around his torso to correct his pronunciation. 

"Benrey!" Tommy exclaimed, and yeah they sure were that. 

"whoaa thanks for being my pillow bro." It's good to be polite, they thought, as they laid their head down. Yeah he wouldn't be asking about their past anytime soon.

Gordon was nice to Tommy earlier, and comfortable enough to earn a first name. Level up.

That was one of the last thoughts they had before they just finally konked out. Got one of the best snoozes of their little whole life. 


	4. Six Short Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Golly I've been busy. Time to update something I have not updated since OCTOBER instead of working on my gift exchange project. Heart. Enjoy!!!

Benrey could not be removed. 

No one was helping, either.

“I think they need the rest, did you see? How tired they were earlier, Mr Freeman?”

“It’s company procedure to help a friend out, Gordon! Security Chief Bip-Bup would do the same for you!”

“I don’t get paid to watch you cuddle, let’s _go._ ” 

There was something funny about the implication they’d get paid for any of this, Gordon thought. He didn’t wanna burst Bubby’s bubble yet, though. They seemed like they needed this.

So he was on his own. Surprisingly enough, Benrey didn’t feel super heavy. Like a backpack or something. Like a living backpack with arms and legs wrapped around Gordon’s torso instead of straps. This was fine.

It was weird, he wasn’t an athletic guy, right? But he wasn’t feeling that tired. Crawling, jumping, jogging. Just had a head resting on his shoulder. He could still keep up with Coomer, which itself was a feat. Everyone was so _fast_. Something was tugging at him not to think about it, not to question, to keep going. 

But he was a scientist, so questions kept him going. Right?

Dr Coomer helpfully did what he seemed to do best, and completely derailed his train of thought. “When Professor Bubby and I scouted up ahead, we saw the United States Military!” 

That just got a big ol blank out of Gordon. “Like, one guy with dog tags or?”

“The United States Military is here to help!” He kept walking, everyone kept walking, grinning. 

You know what? Gordon could get behind that. “I think I’m running on pure adrenaline, I’d love someone with training or. Experience. To just come and take care of all of…” Technically, Benrey didn’t seem to _need_ him to support their legs with an arm, but he was doing it. Made gesturing harder. Gordon made it work. “ _This._ ”

“You only get EXP when you kill something, Gordon!” Dr Coomer said, holding up one finger. That was video games, though, right? He was talking about video games?

“Well, you’ve been killing things _for_ me, I guess my point stands!” With how great a shot Tommy was, and how violent Doctor Coomer seemed to be, and Benrey in general, he hadn’t really killed much of anything so far. Nothing’d gotten close enough to him that he’d had to.

One zombie and, of course, the people in the elevator, which, gosh, he still felt super bad about.

There was a blank space in the conversation where Benrey might’ve said something nonsensical. 

It was probably coming down anyway, though, right? 

Yeah, an interruption would be nice.

* * *

Gordon wanted to take it all back, he was just hoping for a department he hadn’t been to or something! But no, turns out Doctor Coomer knew what he was talking about with the military! 

Except that they _weren’t_ here to help. 

Currently, Gordon was ducked behind a wall for cover. Benrey was still on him, and it filled him with this feeling of… Protectiveness. Like, sure, Benrey was kind of rude and hard to understand, but they were part of this team and by golly Gordon wasn’t letting them get shot. 

Nobody on his team was dying on his watch. Including, you know, himself.

He rolled a grenade around the corner, and waited to hear if someone screamed in agony.

Gordon really wasn’t liking the direction his life was going. He didn't like how easily hurting others was coming to him. He always thought he'd be the kind of person to be a good dad, you know? Once he finally ended up with a kid.

Yesterday he’d been a regular guy.

It felt so far away. All of it did. He couldn’t remember what it felt like to swipe through Grindr profiles. Or use the weather app. That was normal, though. People don’t have opinions on the weather app. He shouldn't question that.

Someone came around the corner, and he took them out with a shot to the head. Haha, _oh boy._

Self defense now, thinking later.

* * *

Benrey’d been kind of hoping that if they slept in the game they’d wake up in real life. But, no, super sad. Not fun, things sleep when they’re asleep. 

They did a science, though, figuring that all out. Very cool. Went out of their way to discover something during this experiment.

Two things actually. The second thing was that Freeman didn’t drop them the whole time. That he was parkour enough to be a pal. It was super groovy of him and they decided right then that he earned a first name. Free gift with purchase.

Fourth science test. See when he noticed with his big cool not-robot, real-guy brain. While he figured it out they’d come up with fifth test. 

Someone still needed to test that soda thing, with the floor and the sticky. Once all this video games in the real thing was over, they’d have to make Tommy smuggle some in. Smuggling wasn’t against union regs or OSHA probably so it'd be cool and funky.

A bullet hit their ear, and Gorbos started shouting.

They were good at their anger him job, too. Benrey was doing so competent today.

* * *

No one ever could've guessed that the thing that would break apart the Science Team could be so simple. So small, so _insignificant._ Just six short words.

"Look, Gordon! I made a Sandwich!" 

Dr Coomer held up two flattened cans of Soda® with a hunk of Alien Meat in between, seemingly very proud of himself. 

"That's not a sandwich, Dr Coomer." Gordon deadpanned, after sparing it a single glance. He was over rifling through crates again, his favorite hobby.

Dr Coomer continued to grin, and brought it over to him. For like, closer inspection or something? "Why it certainly is! It is a thing between two things that are the same! Sandwich." 

"yea bro he made it so good, look. it's even got uhhhhhhhhh." Benrey's brain struggled for a word, there was Liquid dripping down the can from the alien stuff and it was like. They were figuring it out. Maybe they just kept saying sounds until it came to them, don’t sue them, "sauce."

"Sandwiches don't have sauce." Bubby muttered, still rifling through the pockets of a nearby dead soldier, "Pasta has sauce."

"Pizza sauce!" Coomer helped.

"No no, wait." Gordon stood up, forgetting about his cool crate and the loot inside. Turned off his lootcrate subscription. He caused the bankruptcy, "We're not moving on from this. Dr Coomer, you can't put three non-edible things together, stack them, and call them a sandwich."

"Watch me!"

"OKAY you _can,_ but you _shouldn't,_ because that's not what a sandwich is. A sandwich is two slices of _bread_ with edible stuff in between." He was hand gesturing now to emphasize his words, it was one of their favorite parts of watching him argue something. Just because they liked. Riling him up, of course. That was why they watched.

"What is a can if not bread?"

Tommy pulled out a notepad, his I Want People to think that I Don't Just Remember Stuff and That I Am Consulting Notes notepad. He was always worried about how his rad awesome kickass memory would make others feel. 

Gordon stuttered, "A- A can? A can is a can, wh. Why are you arguing that, they're not the same at all?"

Bubby was now trying on the soldier's vest over his lab coat. It didn't look horrible, "If it's cut in the Pita Cutter Room, it's Bread." 

Gordon took a moment to process that, like he sometimes did. Benrey could practically imagine the **Loading...** text on his face. Tommy managed to cut in before he could think of a thing to yell, though, "Actually! Mr Freeman, sandwiches were invented! For the convenience of at-the-time Earl of Sandwich, John Montagu! He liked to play card! s games, and he wanted food to eat with one hand."

"Well, okay, that's a more loose definition than mine, thank you Tommy, but. That still doesn't make _that,_ " He gestured to Dr Coomer's cool sandwich, "A sandwich. Because that's not food, cans _aren't_ food!"

Man, he was about to be so embarrassed to be wrong. Benrey was gonna drop some hard truth. "they are if you try hard enough. coward."

"NO?!" Gordon swiveled in place to face them, didn't even use his feet he kinda just did that. Cool. "Is that what's going on? You eat aluminum cans? That's not healthy, that can't be healthy!"

Bubby took away Gordon's cool gayze, unfortunately. Homophobia. "I don't come to _your_ house and criticize _your_ diet." 

He groaned in response, and face-gloved. Like a face palm but you're wearing awful gloves that mean no one gets to see your sweet hands, "Not you too, Bubby. If nothing else, that's gotta fuck up your teeth."

"My teeth are INVINCIBLE!"

"Actually, Professor Bubby's teeth grow back like a shark!"

"DOCTOR BUBBY'S TEETH ARE A SECRET, HAROLD." 

"I cannot be contained!"

"I'm ignoring that, I'm _ignoring_ that. Aluminum cans aren't edible to _regular human beings._ When we're talking about what is and isn't food, we're talking about what's edible to an average human."

Benrey thought of a quip, but unfortunately it only worked if they were on Gordon's side in this one. Dang it. Tommy was reading his blank notepad again, probably trying to think of words.

"That's sort of exclusionary, don't you think?" Bubby asked, completely rhetorical. It didn't matter what Gordon thought.

"We can talk about science experiment rights _later_ , we are talking about how THAT." He flung his whole arm to gesture with a whole hand at the 'wich. "Is NOT a sandwich. We have so little control over _anything._ I want control over this."

"Well, Gordon! If a Sandwich is something easily held with one hand for your Poker Game, is a Pizza a sandwich?"

"You know what? Yes, sure, that counts."

"Iced cream contained in a cone." Bubby stated simply, it was clear he didn't wanna be disagreed with.

Gordon was so bad awful at reading people, 's clear as a sprite that's gone flat, "Okay, well, I hate this definition. We need a new one, an ice cream cone _can't_ be a sandwich."

"gordonts. it can be if we try hard enough. if we really put our all in."

" _You_ don't seem to ever try at _anything._ " He snapped back. Oof, wow. He was right but he didn't need to be so face scrunched up about it. "Give me a minute, I'll come up with something better."

Gordon stormed off to sit in a corner.

For awhile, it was like. Quiet? Aside from Old Man Mutter Corner and Tommy frantically actually _writing_ on his notes. They found that super noticeable, he only did that when he really wanted to make sure he did the talking so right. The big correct.

They didn't ask him about it, he looked all Emotion, they just hugged him from the side. He'd tell em all when he was ready. And he'd tell it so good.

Benrey noticed first when Gordon was done with his boring little think sesh, because they were watching his back the whole time. They'd started thinking about how dangerous that ponytail was again. Anyway, he'd stood up and shouted, "I'VE GOT IT!"

It got Coomer and Bubby's attention, definitely. Benrey's was already got.

"I know how to define a sandwich." His grin was a little wild, like scientists who stayed at the lab Too Late. Maybe Gordos need a lil Nap. "A sandwich is a food that can be eaten with one hand. All of it is edible, there isn't anything left over. Most importantly, it's a _meal._ It's filling and satisfying." 

Benrey raised their hand.

Gordon visibly deflated.

"ice cream sandwich isn't sandwich?"

The not interrupting Gordon time was over now, they'd broke it.

"I think this is a delightful meal, Gordon!" 

"That's stupid, stop defining things, you're bad at it."

Dr Coomer and Dr Bubby fired off in quick succession, hehehoo succ-session, and Gordon was lookin all Considering Every Life Choice-y.

If they didn't know better, he was too big buff big emotion repress to cry in front of them, Benrey'd think he was tearing up. _"It's not, it's not a sandwich. It's ice cream sandwich but it's not- It's not really a-"_

"MR FREEMAN, YOU DON'T GET IT." Tommy stomped once, and everyone's attention shifted. His shoulders were all Tense and Near His Ears, "An ice cream sandwich isn't a sandwich because _NOTHING_ is! Sandwiches aren't real Mr Freeman! They haven't been for over 240 years!"

"Hey, Tommy. Could you. Run that by me again?" Gordon whispered, they glanced over and he looked like someone knocked over his whole oranges display he'd been working on and he was too shocked to shout. 

He took in a deep breath, and let it out. All angry, "Mr Freeman, it's like I said. Sandwiches were invented for John Montagu. He willed them into existence and when he died in 1771, he couldn't keep it up, and they died with him!" 

Tommy walked over to Gordon, face all tight with Feeling, put hands on his shoulders, "Please, I can't watch you be deluded! Like this!"

Gordon just looked into Tommy's eyes, face filled with an emotion Benrey sure didn't know. Mouth hanging open a little, eyes all scrunched, brows also scrunchin. 

Then came an awful sound, like a metal recycling compactor, it kept going until, "Gordon, this tastes: terrible!"

"Gordon's done, Gordon's all done today." He pulled himself out of Tommy's grip and practically fell back against the wall, "The Gordon you are calling cannot be reached, 404 error Gordon not found." 

He curled up into as small a shape he could, looking real... haunted.

The Black Mesa Cuddle Puddle [patent pending, according to Tommy] waited for no sad ball time. 

Benrey couldn't describe later how it happened, but everyone ended up on top and under each other in this big ol knot of Companionship. Except Bubby, he was content to just lay on Coomer and not poke anyone else with his big long awful stab limbs.

"Goodnight, Gordon." Dr Coomer said, and shot out the light. The electricity still sparked, it acted like the best nightlight in the world. 

Benrey felt a feeling that was all... Heat. On the inside. Being crushed under Tommy's legs and laying on the hard of Gordon's hard armored-y side... Things could definitely be worse.

"... Goodnight, Dr Coomer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had The Sandwich Argument written up for MONTHS and chapter 3 and the first half of this one were just an excuse to get here, really. 
> 
> Also, pro tip. To irritate your friends, insist that poptarts are sandwiches and mean it. Lessthan three I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
